Monthly Archives: August 2017

How to know that he is in Love With You

Love is a small word with huge implications. When it’s a healthy kind of love, it can help you become your best possible self and enrich your life with a new kind of happiness and meaning. When it’s unhealthy—or just not the right match—it can literally gut you, leaving you feeling broken and devastated.

The beginning stages of a relationship can be a tricky time because a man might say those infamous three words without feeling it, or he can feel it for a long time before he’s ready to say it out loud. Typically when a man loves you, it’s obvious. You don’t even have to ask because you just know it. (This article covers it really well.) The reason it can sometimes seem confusing is that men and women often experience love in different ways.

To save you the time and energy spent playing the he-loves-me-loves-me-not game, here are the five greatest signs that he definitely is in love with you:

 

He makes you a priority in his life.

When a man loves you, spending time with you and being there for you are at the top of his priority list. It doesn’t matter how busy he is, he will carve out the time you both need to feel fulfilled in your relationship. He will make sure you know that you’re special to him, that he cares about you, that your happiness matters, that being with you, and there for you, are important to him.

If you find that you have to fight for his time and attention or there is always something higher on his to-do list, you might have reason to raise an eyebrow. And sadly, if you do feel like you’re only getting leftover scraps when it comes to his attention, he most likely is not in love with you. When a man loves you, you don’t need to strategize ways of getting into his heart—it’s just there, right on the line, waiting for you to take the bait.

 

His actions are louder than his words.

You’ve heard it before, but this timeless saying is always true, especially in matters of the heart: actions speak louder than words. And this is especially true when it comes to knowing if a man loves you. Words are easy, and words can be cheap.

Love isn’t merely a feeling, it’s a verb, it comes across is actions. When a man truly loves you, he shows it. He goes out of his way to make you happy because your happiness is more important than his own, he is there for you even if it’s inconvenient for him, he sacrifices for you, he puts effort into the relationship. It’s easy to be a great and loving partner when it’s all sunshine and roses, but how does he react when things get real? That is where his true feelings lie.

 

He doesn’t give up.

Even for a couple who share common interests and who are working toward the same goals, relationships are never easy. But when a man loves you, he is committed to making it work, no matter what. He doesn’t threaten to leave at the first sign or trouble. He is in it and he plans to see it through, even when it gets really tough. He is fully invested—and he wants to do whatever it takes to make your bond not only strong, but amazing.

When you love someone, quitting isn’t an option until all other options have been exhausted. You don’t just leave unless things are clearly beyond repair. If a man isn’t willing—or able—to go all in, then he’s not the right match for you.

 

He pays attention.

When we love someone, we can’t get enough. We want to know everything, to fully immerse ourselves in their story. When a guy loves you, he pay attention to everything you say and do. He sees your potential, your strengths, your weaknesses, how you experience and process the world. He’s in love with who you are as a human, not just as a partner.

This is different than a man who merely loves the way you make him feel. While this narcissistic type of love has become commonplace these days—it isn’t real. A mature, stable love is when a man loves who you are—and sure, he may feel good being with you—but that isn’t the reason he chooses to stay.

 

You feel it in your gut.

When a guy loves you, you know it. It feels like peace, it feels like home, it feels safe. You don’t wonder and worry how he feels. You don’t spend each day in the relationship like it could be your last, wondering when the proverbial other shoe will drop. You feel a calmness in knowing.

Now at the same time, some people are carrying a lot of hurt and pain and may have deeply rooted trust issues that make it impossible to ever feel secure. If this is the case, then work on it! Do whatever it takes to break through the walls surrounding you so that you can let someone else in. This is why it’s so important to be your best self before you enter into a relationship, to clear away the clutter and really see what’s in front of you.

Reasons To Date a Gardener

Gardens add so much to our daily lives—color, fragrance, spice, sustenance, and creative inspiration. Whether a tiny container garden or a vast plot of intricate designs, these spaces bring joy to those who pause to look and enjoy. Of course, it takes dedicated people to make gardens and orchards thrive . . . and the qualities these people possess with plant-life translate well to romantic relationships.

 

Here’s why:

1: They’re patient.

They know that the best things in life take time. Gardeners understand you can’t force fruit to ripen or a tulip to pop out of the ground. Likewise, they know you can’t rush a relationship into reaching its full potential.

 

2: They appreciate beauty.

Gardeners are committed to creating something beautiful. They invest their time and talents in developing something amazing from scratch. Sounds like what happens with romantic relationships.

 

3: They value uniqueness.

Given the vast array of plant species in the world, gardeners recognize the value each has to offer. They know that every person, like every plant, has unique aspects that are highly appealing.

 

4: They know the importance of giving space.

Garden plants need plenty of room to set down roots—and so do new relationships.

 

5: They encourage the best in others.

Gardeners want to help each other succeed, offering helpful tips and lots of encouragement. That generous spirit will likely flow into your relationship as well.

 

6: They know that growth requires consistent nurturing.

Likewise, a budding romance needs to be steadily cultivated and cared for.

 

7: They are eager to learn and develop.

They know that gardening—like many aspects of life—is a process of trying to improve their craft. A romantic relationship also requires two people intent on improving as individuals and lovers.

 

8: They are adaptable and flexible.

When one approach to gardening isn’t working, they’re ready to try new approaches. That’s a good perspective for relationships as well.

Always a Friend or a Fling

My advice is going to sound very boilerplate expert-lady, but bear with me for a bit.

I suggest you stop having flings. I’m not suggesting this for any moral reasons. This has nothing to do with what your grandmother would or would not approve of. I’m also not suggesting you stop having flings for any dumb market-based reasons—you know, you set yourself up as a precious commodity and therefore drive up your worth in the men of the world’s eyes. You’re not a commodity; you’re a person, and what you do behind closed doors is nobody’s business but your own.

I’m suggesting this because, ultimately, having flings isn’t making you happy. Yes, they are great in the moment, and maybe even the potential future anxiety and heartbreak seems worth it sometimes. I get it. Sometimes you just want to take whatever bit of goodness life throws you, however fleeting. Resisting that temptation can be very hard. I know. I’ve been there.

But I think it’s worth it.

If you stop having flings, then you will never again be in the position you often find yourself in—feeling rejected after a one- (or two- or three-) night stand. Instead, you’re making clear to your friend/flirt that you’re interested in a real relationship, so it’s on him to prove he’s worthy of physical intimacy.

You say you’re smart, confident and opinionated—good. Keep that.

Any dude who can’t handle a woman who speaks her mind (which, by the way, I don’t see as a particularly “male” trait) isn’t worth the bother, as far I’m concerned.

So don’t worry about changing your inner essence, or trying to fashion yourself into the type of woman you think men want. Be the smart, confident, opinionated woman who doesn’t let men push her around. Be the smart, confident, opinionated woman who says “Sorry, I’m going to need more information before I invite you upstairs.”

Will this magically make men decide you’re someone they want to shower with romance? I don’t know, but that’s not the point. This isn’t about playing games or manipulating men. It’s about taking control. It’s about keeping your head clear of the men who aren’t worth your affection, so that you can be present for the one who is.