How to get your self-esteem back

One of the many things we struggle with as we learn to recover from a break-up is learning how to rebuild our self-esteem.

It’s easy to understand why this is such an issue. When your relationship ends, you may feel rejected. You may feel unworthy. You sit crying on your coach, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at hand, wondering why your partner does not love you anymore. You may think, as you’re stumbling through the list of to-do’s and stress of everything else going on in your life, that nobody will ever find you attractive and worthy of love.

But I am here to tell you to knock that bullshit off, because it’s simply not true.

Never forget for a second that you are a bad-ass and that you are strong and beautiful.
So, today, as we get a quick lesson on rebuilding our self-esteem, you need to embrace the following self-esteem revelation.

What happened to you does not define you.

Ending a relationship is not fun. It causes us to question who we are, what we thought our life was, and where we are in this universe. We tend to define ourselves solely within the terms of being a partner and we become dependent on that position as a mean to validate ourselves. We start to place our entire value on being a spouse, rather than putting that focus on something healthy—the independent, kind person that you are.

So it’s no surprise that our self-esteem shatters when the one pillar we have used to define ourselves goes away. We make this false connection that end of a relationship = bad unworthy person. It’s no wonder why you’re feeling like crap.

But think about this for a second. When you stumbled and sprained your ankle that one time, the way you defined yourself didn’t go negative just because your ankle hurt. And if you were ever in a car accident, or if you have ever been hospitalized, you didn’t tie your identity and your self-worth into that one event happening in your life. Hell no. You knew that it was an inconvenience, but you were soon back to life.

So, why don’t you treat your break-up the same way? Sure, this is a hiccup in your life. But that doesn’t mean that you are any less of a person, or somehow not worthy or self-respect and love because you’re going through this situation. It’s quite the opposite. The fact that you have the grace to navigate through this stressful time, and the strength to carry on and taking care of everything else you have going on speaks volumes of your character, of your intellect, and your all-around awesomeness. You should applaud yourself for the amazing job you’re doing and give yourself credit.

But if you’re still struggling with rebuilding your self-esteem, I understand. And because it can be difficult to change your mindset, I have a few exercises for you!
Reclaiming your Self- Esteem Exercise: Embracing the fact that you’re freakin’ amazing.

Step 1: List all the things that you’re good at.

Don’t be shy with this one! Every day, you no doubt accomplish things that would cause others to whimper—things that you most likely don’t give yourself credit for. But it’s time to change that. What are things that you know you rock at? This has nothing to do with bragging or being immodest. Acknowledging your awesome skills is an important step to nurture yourself.
If you need some inspiration, take a look at my examples below.

My friends say I’m a good listener.
My mom says that I am good at thinking logically.
I’m a go-getter and know how to take initiative.
I’m good at plan things and getting stuff done.